Some lessons life has taught me:

I CREATE MY OWN REALITY.

I firmly believe that I have created every item, person and situation in my life. Even the ones that seem way outside of my ability to create. Even the ones I don't like. I believe that we make a choice before we enter this life to experience particular emotions and we, unconsciously for the most part, find the things, people and situations that will allow us to feel those emotions. This is a very powerful concept. For one thing, it immediately makes us stop being victims. By accepting the responsibility for everything present in my life today, I claim the power to create everything in my life tomorrow.

Every experience in life is an opportunity to learn. The trick is to ask, as quickly as possible, 'what have I learned from this? Who am I today that I wouldn't be if this didn't happen?'. Sometimes it's about learning how to take care of ourselves. Sometimes it's just about experiencing a feeling or emotion that we hadn't felt before. The important thing is to learn the lesson, so that negative experience doesn't need to be repeated.

IT ONLY HAS TO BE HARD IF I WANT IT TO BE HARD.

I don't believe the expression 'No pain, no gain'. I do believe that when there is pain, there is always gain. But it only has to be hard if I want or need it to be hard. And why would I want or need it to be hard? Because even though my logical mind understands and buys into the concept that it can be easy and effortless (whatever it is), since birth I have been barraged with messages that say you have to work hard to get what you want, life isn't about being easy, et cetera. These are deep in my subconscious and that's where the process always starts. Even the word 'process', which I used for many years to mean facing life's lessons head on, took on the meaning of 'painful work'. Today, when I catch myself struggling, I create affirmations that include the words 'easily' and 'effortlessly'. This is a choice that I am consciously making in my life and the language I use can either support or contradict it.

IT'S 11:30. IF I COULD BE ASLEEP, I WOULD BE ASLEEP.

Many years ago, when my niece was about 6, I was trying to get her to go to sleep. She sat up, put one hand on her hip and pointed to the clock with the other. In a voice full of disgust and exasperation, she said, 'Aunt Louise, it's 11.30. If I COULD be asleep, I WOULD be asleep.' It was hard to argue with that, because it was true. And it made me realize how often I do a number on myself because I'm not where I think I should be, or haven't reached a goal I've set for myself. The reality is that there are many forces at work --true desire, limiting beliefs, time constraints, to name just a few. If I could be there, I would be there. In the 12 years or so since my niece said that to me, I've said it to myself a thousand times. It helps me to let go of feeling like I've failed, and helps me ask the questions that need to answered in the moment. These questions are usually things like 'what do I need to do/learn before I can go on to this?', 'is this something I truly desire, or just think I should desire?', etc.

IF I SAY I WANT SOMETHING, AND I DON'T HAVE IT, THEN WHAT DO I WANT MORE?

This may be the most valuable thing I've ever learned. Because I believe I create my own reality, then the reality I have is what I've created. And, although I may not like what I've created, I need to take full responsibility for it. So, if I don't like it and I say I want something else, and I continue working towards that goal and it still doesn't materialize, then it's time to stop and ask this question: 'What do I want more?' Our unconscious goals, desires and beliefs are much more powerful than our conscious ones. And because they're 'unconscious', we are not even aware they are there. They just control what we manifest, leaving us feeling unsatisfied, frustrated and disappointed.

The most striking example of this I can give is the fact that for much of my adult life, I was not in a serious relationship, although I said I wanted one. When I stopped and asked the 'What do I want more' question, I got a very surprising answer: Space! I had a 'thing' about my own space. I'd always had a lot of space, all filled with my stuff. For some reason, I had equated being in a live-in relationship as meaning I would lose my space. It's been almost ten years since I asked this particular question and I am now married to a wonderful, sensitive person. It was scary in the beginning, but once I was able to put the two choices side by side (something you can't do when one is unconscious!), I was able to make a true choice. Sometimes, when we gravitate to the same room as we often do, I have to smile as I recall my fears when he first moved in. Today, I can not relate to the space issue at all and have difficulty understanding why it was more important to me than being in a loving, committed relationship. I am SO glad I asked that question!

(c) Louise Morganti Kaelin. Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). Find many free resources to assist you in living the life of your dreams at http://www.touchpointcoaching.com For her free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, email mailto:on-536@ezezine.com