Solitude
What mom really ever gets enough quiet time to herself? It's a
basic mom need in my books. If you aren't used to taking time
for yourself, you're in for a treat. I'll explain why it's so
necessary for our well-being, how to get into the habit, what it
isn't, where to get it, and some of the benefits of establishing
it as a ritual. The benefits are far-reaching.
Alone time, solitude, whatever you want to call it, is essential
for our spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. It
provides us with an opportunity to let go of everything we have
become, everything that we do, everything we are to everyone in
our life, to return to who we truly are. Done effectively,
regularly, religiously, it strengthens our core. This strength
enables us to be more effective, efficient and most importantly,
joyous.
If you aren't used to taking time for yourself, you may find it
to be a gradual, and even ongoing, process. You need to take
that initial step. It may mean making a date with yourself,
setting things up, letting the entire family know and get used
to the idea. They will resist change!! It's human nature. But
persevere. Your sanity is worth it, don't you think?
Time to yourself is NOT running errands, working outside the
home, or commuting time. I don't know why. It just doesn't
count. Alone time is when you don't have to be doing anything
for anyone else. Alone time is strictly YOU time. A
filling-of-your-cup-time. Personal time. And personal time
without guilt, please! Sure, you may have been away from the
kids with work or other responsibilities, but trust me, everyone
will benefit when you return from your mom time refreshed,
happier, more peaceful and ready to carry on. It won't take long
for the family to realize what a great thing mom time is.
What you do during your personal time is just as important as
where you take it. Take your time with the intention of
reconnecting with your Self. Is it journaling? Writing? How
about personal planning? Creating a vision for yourself, your
life, determining the steps required to get you there?
In case you haven't quite established how to do this, consider
the following:
Lock yourself in the bedroom with your journal, books, a good
cup of tea.
Find a comfortable coffee shop. I have a favorite here in town
where I can order a huge cup of tea, sit at a table in the
corner and write. Nobody bothers me. I stay until I feel ready
to go home.
Sit yourself down at a quiet beach. The comforting swoosh of the
waves, the spiritual connection to the flow of water, nature.
Nothing more soothing. Don't forget your journal and a dose of
sunblock if need be.
Your public library. It has built in quiet. As long as you can
keep yourself away from the kids' section. And you must. How
many times have you taken the kids to the library and never
really had the chance to look around at the adult section?
A meditative walk in nature. This is my church, my place of
worship. Feel yourself reconnecting.
Or, imagine this one! Ooh, luxury! Going away to a hotel for a
weekend by yourself. Aaaah. Imagine. If you want it, you can
make it happen! Don't forget to dream big.
With alone time, you may expect to feel more peaceful, focused,
re-energized, lovable and loving. Now how's that for benefits?
Pretty nice.
You may still find some resistance to this practice, making
excuses to yourself for not indulging. There will always be
chores, so get over it. We will never be done our to-do list. It
will be there when you get back. Let it go. It's natural to feel
this resistance. It is an indulgence AND the benefits of taking
mom time far outweigh any detrimental effects of you not being
there. You just have to try it. Sometimes we think our life will
cave in if we don't attend to it 24/7. Guess what? It won't. It
will all be there when we get back, just as we left it. Isn't
that comforting!?
Getting away on our own is just one of those constants we need
to adjust for in life. One of the biggest challenges to
motherhood is the illusion of no time to yourself. It's actually
there, you just have to take advantage of it, plan for it. The
benefits are oh so sweet.