How to Get People to Listen
How we listen and perceive is influenced by the four perceptual
styles: Audio, Visual, Feeler, and Wholistic. For instance,
Audios prefer to turn their ears toward you when you are
speaking rather than look you in the eyes. They are filtering
through what you are saying to get to the bottom line as quickly
as possible. If they are listening intently, they might close
their eyes. However, since childhood they have been told "Look
at me when I'm speaking to you!" In defense, they might take
notes of the main points when listening because then it's
acceptable if they don't maintain eye contact with the speaker.
When speaking to Audios, if you ramble, they will either
interrupt or ask, "And the point is?" Or they will tune you out.
You need to collect your thoughts before talking to Audios and
cover the points in a logical sequence.
Visuals are the "show me" people. They will listen more intently
and remember what you are saying if they can see what you're
talking about. Otherwise you need to speak in descriptive words
so they visualize what you are saying. It will appear like they
aren't listening if you don't give them enough details because
their faces are blank. When they finally "get it," their faces
light up with comprehension.
When Visuals are speaking, maintaining eye contact is essential.
If you look away, they will stop in the middle of the sentence.
For them it has the same effect as if you interrupted them.
Visuals receive their inspiration and ideas as a picture in
their mind's eye. They may become frustrated if the listener
can't seem to "see" what they see. Often Visuals will whip out a
piece of paper so they can sketch or diagram what they are
talking about.
What Feelers hear is filtered through their feelings so it's not
what you say but how you say it that they are hearing. If you
say something in a sarcastic voice, they most likely will
remember how the words hurt rather than what was being said. If
the hurt is intense, it will put a lump in the throat that
literally blocks the Feeler from expressing his or her pain or
feelings.
When communicating with Feelers, if you want them to listen,
speak gently. A loud angry voice intimidates them and may cause
them to withdraw within themselves. If you are asking them to do
something, actions speak louder than words. Give them the
opportunity to try what it is you want them to do so they feel
secure that they understand. Otherwise they might say, "You mean
..." and repeat back what you just asked to make sure they heard
you correctly. This might exasperate the Audio who doesn't like
to have to provide all the details Feelers need to understand.
He may snap, "Is there an echo in the room?" Feelers may become
flustered, which makes it even more difficult for them to listen
attentively. They would rather flee and come back later when
they aren't so rattled.
Wholistics hear, see, and feel what you are saying
simultaneously so they quickly grasp the whole picture or the
gist of what is being said. Then they want to leap into action.
This eagerness may cause them to interrupt the speaker and
finish the sentence because they think they know what the person
is going to say. However, sometimes they might be wrong. When
speaking to Wholistics, you may have to ask them to let you
finish what you're saying, to not interrupt.
Wholistics will listen more intently if you first give them the
essence of what you're going to talk about so they can respond
to the idea or thought. After they have expressed what they
perceive is the direction you are going, you can clarify or
agree. Wholistics might become antsy if they have to wait a long
time before they can speak. But not interrupting and listening
attentively is a quality they can learn.
So how can we get people to listen to us and remember what we
say? As the speaker, it's up to us to make sure the listener
understands before moving on. When it's one-on-one or in a small
group, ask if they understand or if they need more
clarification. If it's important for them to remember, you need
to connect your message with a direct benefit to the listener. A
benefit to the listener is always something that directly
impacts them. Remember the WIIFM factor, what's in it for me.
So, for example, you may ask a spouse to pick up some items from
the drycleaner and remind him that one of the items is a suit
he'll need for the concert that he's been so looking forward to.
Or if you're speaking to an audience, address the benefits to
them, how the information you're sharing will enhance or impact
their lives.
When speaking to a large group, you can keep all of the
perceptual styles listening attentively if you address the key
points quickly for the Audios, then illustrate it with an
interesting story (but not too long) so the Visuals can
visualize and the Feelers can better comprehend the key points,
and then follow up with a brief summary. This way, people won't
tune you out.
You want the listeners' heads to nod because they are connecting
with your message rather than having their heads nod because
there is a disconnect, and they are falling asleep.