Marriage Saving Advice: Have A Soul Connection With Your Spouse
Even If All Seems Lost
Many of us realize that marriage is not the easiest relationship
in the world, but why is it so hard? Unless we adopt children,
the only relatives that we get to choose are our spouses. Seems
like it should work out, right? We can not change our parents or
choose new siblings, but marriage-- ahh that's a whole different
thing.
Marriage brings out the best and the worst in a person's
character and shows us what we are capable of doing, both
positive and negative. This special relationship challenges our
mental, spiritual, social, and physical selves. Unfortunately,
the natural human reaction to hard or stressful situations is
fight or flight.
So after a few major disagreements with a spouse, frustrated
partners second guess their initial decision to wed. The wheels
start turning, and the flight response to the stressful
situation becomes more and more attractive.
But what can you do if the fires of passion have burned out and
only angry ones remain? How can you keep your soul connection
with your spouse even during times of conflict?
1. Have confidence in the decision that you have made. Then
realize that just like you wouldn't normally divorce your mom or
dad when they get on your last nerve, divorcing your spouse
shouldn't be the first thing that comes to mind when he/she
annoys or disappoints you you repeatedly. I know it's hard, but
it's a key factor in the success of your marriage.
2. If God is not at the center of your relationship, consider
welcoming Him into the situation. To start, only one spouse
needs to make this decision, but it's best if both of you are on
the same page. Praying together, and as individuals, can provide
a solid foundation for your marriage and give you greater
insight into what concerns your partner the most.
You can start with your own words or with a few books on prayer.
A book that has been helpful for me, and numerous people I know,
has been, Stormie Omartian: Power of a Praying Wife. The book
covers everything from finances and career to sexuality,
affection and emotions. It shows wives how to pray for their
husbands even if they feel like they don't have the words. And
it gives excellent advice for channeling frustration, hurt or
anger into productive energy.
If you are a husband, try Power of a Praying Husband. Stormie
enlists the help of her husband and other men for insight and
wisdom in writing this book.
3. Make mutual respect a priority in your communication. If you
find yourselves attacking each other personally, instead of
discussing the pros and cons of a particular decision or action,
then take a step back to reevaluate the situation. Choose words
that reaffirm while getting your point across. For example,
instead of saying: "I hate it when you don't make time to be
with me... the kids... etc." TRY "Remember when we did XYZ? That
was so much fun and the kids loved it too. Want to do it again?"
SPOUSE'S REPLY HERE "Great! What date works for you?"
Additionally, don't let other family members--kids, in-laws,
steps, exes cloud your communication with each other. When they
want to butt in, *respectfully* tell them to butt out. Then
re-prioritize and refocus your attention on each other.
4. Listen even if you feel like you've heard the same statement
hashed over and over again. Sometimes venting is necessary, and
if your spouse can't release his/her mental baggage with you, to
whom will they voice their concerns? The lack of listening
skills in marriage is one reason emotional infidelity gets
started in the first place. If you take the time to listen now,
you can avoid the headaches and heartaches associated with these
extramarital relationships.
5. Start a ritual just for the two of you. Ideally, you'll both
take time out to do it every day or a few times a week. Engaging
in ritual behavior, like sharing coffee, watching funny movies
together or taking walks, gives you something to look forward to
and can help you build intimacy.
6. Consider an organized marriage retreat. Retreats are great
because, the facilitators give couples helpful tools for
communicating, relating and often mating. You'll see other
couples who are going through the same challenges, and you'll
have time to focus solely on your relationship. No work, no
kids/in-laws, no well-meaning friends, and no focusing on the
ills of life.
7. Finally, make a point to get away every once in a while. This
idea dovetails from the previous suggestion, but this time you
and your honey will be alone. Whether you get your kids out of
the house for a weekend or you book a seven day vacation to the
Bahamas, it is necessary for you and your husband or wife to
have extended alone time without any distractions.
These are just a few suggestions to help you renew the soul
connection with your spouse. When http://married4good.com/
officially launches in November, we'll have tons of articles and
resources on the site to help you build a solid relationship.
Make sure to visit us and get additional ideas for strengthening
your marriage.